Compassion Cooled: Chronicles of a Warrior of Light?

Ever since I can remember I’ve experienced great compassion for my fellow travellers on this planet (even including for the man who sexually abused me as a child). It’s taken me a very, very long time to recognise that not everyone I encounter is deserving of my compassion.

I struggle with this because compassion is my nature. Encountering individuals who cross my path who I find no sympathy for or no empathy with is quite new to me and I’ve found the revelation very unsettling.

Over the past six or seven years life has led me to shed all illusions I previously held about myself: I was “Auntie Kazz” to my nieces and nephews. But circumstances have separated me from those amazing souls; I was sister, friend in need, helper and confidant to my siblings. But life has separated me from them also; I was troubled and confused daughter to my often troubled and confused parents but one is no longer with us and I have moved far away from the other, who is still my friend; I was “Kazz 67“, invincible, determined speaker of truth and campaigner for justice, online and in court; and I was Kazz, healed and whole radio host, sharing with the world my journey of healing and my love for humanity. But my connections to so many of my fellow activists has been diluted as my connection to the internet has become spasmodic and my journey has taken me to a life outside of conventional livng.

Now I have a calling, given to me two years ago by my lover’s sage teacher. I no longer carry the name given me by my parents, which was, it has to be said, a fine name – Karen “Kazz” Lucas, meaning Pure Light.

My name is gone. My calling is Kali Prajita. – Kali, destroyer goddess, mother goddess, destroyer of evil, of ego, of demons (“…if it does not serve us, burn it all away…”). Prajita, not an adaptation of Prajna’s calling, but a Sanskrit word meaning driven, invincible, unstoppable.

Kali: destroyer of ego. But if I am to destroy ego surely I must begin with my own! – Life has left me no choice but to recognise that I am not what I thought I was. And I know that, much as my ego would love to latch onto a new idea of myself as Mother Goddess (a Messiah complex if ever there was one!), I am just one of approximately 6 billion such Messiahs.

Prajita: invincible, unstoppable. This has always been true of me. Driven by a need to live in a fair and free world. This I recognise as the one constant throughout all of the changes in circumstance, learning, ego stripping I’ve experienced.

This is my calling, it is not my name.

But beyond that, before that, behind that, is simply presence. From my earliest memories to now, I have experience myself being.

And really, that is all there is for any of us. We are here, we are present.

So much of our time is spent away from the present, lost in thoughts, in feelings, in imaginings of what was, what might have been, what could be, what should be. Ego/I-go… I am not present in this moment.

But what of compassion in all of this?

We are each essentially the same. Each an expression of of life, of god. Each with the same capacity for healing, for overcoming all obstacles, for compassion and love.

Yet so many never manage to break free of their circumstances, of their pain, of their injuries. So many damaged lives. All needing and deserving of compassion and assistance. Each absolutely deserving of love. And, invariably, each experiencing compassion for others. This is the nature of hurt souls – empathy and love for our brothers and sisters.

But this is not true of all.

We live in a world shaped by a psychopathic system of control, of superiors and inferiors, of profit and loss. Our lives are dictated and our minds programmed by this system, by the design of those who preside over it.

Primary psychopaths (a tiny percentage of men and women who are literally physically incapable of compassion) rise to the top. whilst secondary psychopaths (those who have learned the rules of this system and utilise them for their own personal, material gain) are found at every level of ‘society’. They exist as much amongst proponents for freedom and justice as they do in the corporate world. They are everywhere.

Do these secondary psychopaths deserve compassion? They show none. They give none, unless it will give them some perceived reward. They have as much opportunity as the rest of us to overcome the conditioning imposed on them by a psychopathic system. Yet they continue to practice personal gain (whatever those perceived gains may be) at the expense of others.

To these people my compassion has cooled. I have no empathy with them and no sympathy for them. Even as I hear them snivel over how hard their lives have been, how they have been shaped by this or that bad experience, I cringe inside at their self-pitying justifications for abusing others, knowing that so many more have experienced often unimaginable suffering and yet have not chosen to exploit their fellow travellers, but have chosen compassion and love, even as they struggle to find healing for themselves.

No. These men and women who choose to follow a system of exploitation and deception, of greed and personal reward, do not deserve compassion in my opinion.

They have the option to create a new way, just we all do. But until they do so they only perpetuate a way of being that must end, for the good of all.

Let the psychopaths, and their rule, rest in peace.

Kali Prajita.